Women in CS#
I can tell you nothing more important in this chapter than simply listening, but I will attempt to elaborate. The following are some assorted points I’ve learned from women in CS over the years, again by truly listening and empathizing with the other person.
For far too long, women in CS have been harassed and at both spoken and unspoken disadvantages in the field. Demographics make things especially hard, when most women in CS will be surrounded by a male majority most of the time.
I really began to understand the experience women have in CS after reading the book Brotopia, which I would wholeheartedly recommend for every man in CS (women, too, although you may unfortunately be familiar with what’s discussed).
Before I begin: I hope none of this comes across as patronizing nor am I saying I am free of all mistakes. I am merely trying to be an ally and spread the word to male audiences.
Sweat the small stuff: I’ve spoken to quite a few ex-Silicon Valley women and students in CS (at least, as far as that goes with Mines demographics) and they all seem to agree: the small things are what drains you down over the days, weeks, months, and years.
For instance, it’s getting asked out for the fourth time [1], or hit on in academic or work settings where you’re just trying to focus (and where that would be inappropriate, obviously), which is endlessly tiring.
In Brotopia, Emily Chang describes real Silicon Valley scenarios which sound like they’re straight from The Office (e.g. hitting on people, making inappropriate jokes, etc). After reading that, I texted a friend in CS, and said “no way this happens!” while describing the chapters. She said that it was normal. Every time I read something, I was more and more enlightened to every little thing women in CS must go through on a regular basis. I kept on texting my friend. She was continuously unsurprised.
Sexual harassment and discrimination is real, call it out: Again, especially in Silicon Valley (if Brotopia is to be believed, which it should be), this is rampant. Most people don’t report these types of things, either out of fear, unwillingness, or even the fact that they’re used to it.
One of my now-graduated friends said her research advisor wouldn’t trust her with tasks and would give her menial tasks if anything, while favoring the other men on the team. I told her to report it, and she said it would be over soon enough so she didn’t.
Definitely don’t be the person harassing or discriminating, but beyond that, help to make a more safe space for women in CS. Imagine if you were barred from a job or research opportunity merely because of your gender (or any other quality about you).
I think the people who do these awful things are more hidden nowadays and usually test the waters with you, saying borderline rude things first to see if you’re “with it.” Unrelated to gender, I had a former coworker drop a few “jokes” that were borderline fascist and homophobic. I told him to stop and didn’t associate myself with him anymore (I should have additionally said something to HR, but thought the shunning would be fine).
Call people out if they’re saying bad things. You don’t want to work for or with those people.
Actually listen: I’ve been in group projects with a male-majority where the female in the group gets completely ignored. People didn’t even acknowledge her. My best strength was telling group members “no, listen to her.” One time we had spent upwards of 12 hours banging our head on desks over a project and she held the last few answers but the group didn’t believe her. I told them to listen, and we finally and swiftly finished once the group actually listened.
Intentions are pretty clear: In line with women constantly being asked out and hit on in these environments, women can see your intentions pretty quickly. And, the sad thing is, often times having a partner doesn’t even stop men in CS. One of my friends says she has referenced her partner of many years to a guy who was hitting on her, and he keeps on following her around and dropping hints that she looks nice. Don’t be that guy [2].
Don’t stare: I can’t believe I’m giving this advice to a primarily adult audience, but don’t stare. You know what I mean. I once even had a friend say she was considering dressing more like guys. That’s heartbreaking.