Difficult people#
Bad news: There will always be difficult people to deal with, or difficult situations with those people. In some respects, I’m probably a difficult person to work with.
However, difficult people create a great opportunity for us to uncover our own weaknesses and form better connections with people in the long run. Difficult people are arguably even a good thing on a team to provide a different perspective (provided they’re not saying anything offensive or just being unpleasant to everyone).
Be empathetic, as hard as it may be. If someone is being difficult to you personally, chances are that there’s something going on in their life or some external factors pressuring them to say unhelpful things. Or maybe they truly, genuinely aren’t understanding your work or you as a person. Your job is to understand how and why they feel this way, and how you can both coexist together in the future.
In their shoes#
Remember the classic kindergarten proverb: put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Try to see things from someone else’s perspective.
Along these lines, I mentioned in a previous section that I do mindfulness meditations a lot. One insightful idea from a guided meditation I listened to is reflecting on the following questions when you just can’t understand the other person’s perspective:
What am I missing?
Can you believe that this person wants happiness & to be free of suffering just as much as you do?
Often, I find that these two questions alone can lead to a helpful resolution. Because, if you feel so strongly about one thing that you can’t see any other perspective, chances are that you’re missing something.
This isn’t to say you can’t or won’t be annoyed by people on a daily basis. Maybe somebody cuts you off in traffic - that’s irritating. But flip the script before you honk at them: maybe they’re late for work. Maybe they’re nervous merging into the lane because they just started driving. Maybe they’ve got a kid in the back who they’re also trying to keep an eye on. I’m not justifying poor driving, but I am justifying the need for patience and respect with others. It will go a long way.
Working to a resolution#
Sitting down with a difficult person to work out your differences, is, well, difficult. But it’s better to not let things bubble up and to talk, especially if it’s a professional relationship or if it’s someone close to you on a team. I’ll keep on referencing this book, but Difficult Conversations is a great book which provides advice on how to deal with these difficult conversations.
My advice is similar to that which I gave in the Feedback section: Be honest, truly listen, and think about moving forward. Most people won’t want to deal with these things, but as mentioned, you don’t want to leave it on the backburner and just let it get worse.