Mentoring

Mentoring makes the world go ‘round. I think most people in CS have had a great mentor at some point, and I owe a lot of what I know to my mentors and friends [1]. Even with AI that can help you solve most of your problems, I still think it’s priceless to have a human being that you can talk to about your code problems (or your life problems for that matter). Here’s some thoughts from both sides of the coin:

Being the mentor

Don’t do it when you’re stressed. Just don’t. I’ve made this mistake and my mentors have made this mistake. I’m neck deep into coding, debugging some frustrating problem, and I accidentally snap back at someone innocently asking a question to me. Your mentee will be horrified and more unwilling to ask you questions in the future. It’s totally valid to say: “Hey ____, I’m a little stressed right now and don’t have the bandwidth to answer. Can I get back to you in a few hours or tomorrow?”

Try not to give the answer straight away. The answer might be obvious to you, but like any good teacher, if you can lead them to it, that’s better. If you lead them to the answer, they’ll learn more and grow their own problem solving skills much better.

Sometimes the answer is subjective or impartial. You can still give your advice (or not), but you should do your due diligence and let them know if you’re not telling them the full picture so that they can make their own decisions.

If you don’t know the answer: that’s okay! I’ve had mentors tell me that they don’t know or don’t have the time to debug and to trust myself. Sure enough, I solved it in the end.

Being the mentee

This feels a little weird to have a section on being the mentee, but having been there many times, there are some things that make the process go more smoothly. And having a mentor is such a valuable experience that you wouldn’t want to let it slip.

First, be willing to learn. A mentor isn’t going to want to help you if you’re not listening to them. Most teachers and professors probably feel the same, but they’re obligated to help you. A mentor isn’t [2]. They have jobs or things to do and have busy lives [3]. But if you’re willing to learn and they’re willing to help, they will find the time for you (hopefully for altruistic reasons rather than for something in return [4]).

Next, don’t be afraid to ask questions. I learned the hard way that asking “can I ask a question” can be deeply frustrating depending on the mentor (although, in some cases, it’s respectful as you’re trying to see if the mentor is busy).

I personally would just go ahead and ask the question: you’ll probably get some quick response and the mentor will continue to think about it and give you progressively better advice. However, the mentor is not there to solve your problems. They’re there to help you to solve the problem, and then maybe push you over the finish line if you can’t.

Read your mentor as well. There will be times when they’re in a bad mood and they will think they should still help you and then both parties will somehow get frustrated by the end of it. Leave them be if they’re giving you those signs, and try again another time.

Finally, thank them. They took time out of their day to help you. They (probably) did it for free. Maybe even ask them what’s going on in their life and show that you really care and value them.

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[1]

Gabe, Rob, Shane, Sumner, LinZi, Colin, Jake, thank you!

[2]

I’ve had students in office hours who quite simply do not listen. I could tell them the answer directly and they would rather ignore me and write the code themselves. In these cases, it’s best to meet them where they’re at and try to support how they are trying to learn.

[3]

I think the best mentors often have the busiest lives, unfortunately.

[4]

I like helping people. I don’t have time to help everyone, but I get a lot of value out of it. Some of the advice in this book is the same I’ve given to my mentees. I never ask for anything in return. Sometimes you also help people because you see a lot of you in them. I do this, and I know my mentors do this too.